President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that his highly anticipated diplomatic trip to China has been bumped to mid-May, citing a ‘pesky little war in Iran’ as the main scheduling obstacle. In a 3 a.m. post on Truth Social, Trump explained, ‘If we could just pause World War III for a second, I’d be there for the Chinese buffet.’

The White House clarified that the May 14–15 summit in Beijing will focus on critical issues—including tariffs, TikTok, and, according to Trump, ‘who really invented fortune cookies.’ In exchange for hosting President Xi Jinping later in Washington, Trump said he expects ‘at least one panda and a box of those green tea KitKats.’

Sources say the original trip was delayed after the Pentagon informed Trump that FaceTiming Xi from an active missile silo was ‘not ideal optics.’ National Security Advisor Tucker Newsome commented, ‘We asked the President to please not schedule two global crises for the same week, but his Google Calendar is apparently set to ‘apocalypse’ mode.’

Chinese officials have reportedly prepared an official welcome, which includes a military parade, a twelve-course state dinner, and a brief PowerPoint on ‘Why You Shouldn’t Start a War with Iran.’ Chinese spokesman Li Wei stated, ‘We hope President Trump enjoys his stay. We cleaned up the smog just for his arrival. It’ll be back by lunchtime.’

Despite the delay, the White House assures Americans that relations with China remain ‘amicable, if occasionally nuclear.’