SEATTLE—After decades of demanding technology that would allow them to experience nature without the hassle of actually being in it, Americans are flocking to Amazon’s Big Spring Sale to purchase AI-powered bird feeders that allow for 24/7 surveillance of local sparrows and blue jays from the safety of their Wi-Fi-enabled recliners.

The Netvue Birdfy Feeder, now marked down to $135.99 from its original $259.99, boasts a 155-degree camera, a solar roof, and a promise to ‘get up close and personal with birds you’ll never have to make eye contact with.’ Birdbuddy Pro, meanwhile, ups the ante with crystal-clear 2K slow-motion video and a $69.99 premium subscription plan granting access to ‘AI-powered bird gossip, unlimited cloud cockatoo footage, and global live FeederCams.’

“I used to stand by the window with binoculars like a chump,” said local bird enthusiast Roberta Quibble, who now receives 73 notifications per hour that a cardinal has visited her porch. “Thanks to the Birdfy, I can finally ignore my family while still pretending to care about nature.”

Bird identification has never been easier—or louder, according to early adopters. “My phone now vibrates every 12 seconds with breaking news about pigeons,” said Trevin Zagler, a satisfied Birdbuddy Pro user. “It’s like being at a press conference for robins—if every robin had paparazzi.”

Amazon spokesperson Dana Flute confirmed, “Our goal is to make it possible for customers to know what every bird in the neighborhood is doing, at all times, whether they want to or not.”