ABUJA—In a bold expansion of counterinsurgency tactics, the Nigerian Air Force unveiled its new ‘Surprise Market Clearance’ program this weekend, amidst widespread reports that its most recent air strike at a bustling village bazaar may have targeted more shoppers than militants.

Air Marshal Garba Sadiq, spokesperson for the Air Force, clarified in a press conference that while collateral damage is unfortunate, shoppers ‘should really consider wearing camo or shopping on off-peak hours to avoid confusion.’ “We deeply regret any inconvenience, injury, or excessive markdowns caused by our precision liberation of tomatoes and tubers,” Sadiq said, pausing only to note that eliminating onions from the market was ‘an unfortunate side effect, but perhaps a blessing for those averse to strong aromas.’

Eyewitnesses on the ground described the scene as ‘unexpectedly interactive.’ Shopowner Mama Nkechi stated, “One moment, I’m bartering over yams, the next, I’m experiencing an aerial BOGO sale on personal safety. Not exactly what I had in mind, but at least now I have a story for my grandchildren.”

The Ministry of Defense announced plans to issue commemorative coupons valid at unaffected markets, which can be redeemed for a 10% discount on future air strike avoidance devices, such as umbrellas and camouflage ponchos. “We hope everyone appreciates our commitment to innovative counterinsurgency,” Defense Minister Idris Balogun remarked. “We’re just trying to keep the economy moving—preferably at high speed away from the target zone.”