In what economists are calling “the Black Friday of the Soul,” Amazon and Best Buy have detonated household budgets nationwide by slashing the price of the TCL QM7L Mini-LED television to just $797.99 for the 55-inch model—prompting mass frenzies in living rooms and a nationwide run on HDMI cables.

The dramatic $200 markdown has caused seismic ripples across suburbia, with experts warning of a pending surge in unsolicited group texts sharing blurry screenshots of price tags. “I haven’t seen this level of excitement since the air fryer went 40% off,” said deal enthusiast Gary Plonkin, currently triple-screening his TV, phone, and tablet to secure a 65-inch model. “If I don’t act now, I’ll have to settle for seeing grass stains in only 60Hz detail.”

TCL’s QM7L, featuring Quantum Dots, 144Hz refresh rate, HDR, and Dolby Vision, has been described by tech reviewer Linda Hoppkins as “the only way to watch reruns of The Masked Singer in colors not seen since the Big Bang.” The television also comes with Google TV and AirPlay 2, ensuring buyers can contract 19 different streaming service bills with the push of a single button.

Industry watchdogs are sounding the alarm over Best Buy’s rapidly dwindling 65-inch stock. “If we run out, we fear consumers might be forced to interact with their families face-to-face,” said retail analyst Trish Klemper, shuddering. Meanwhile, TCL marketing VP Brad Kwan confirmed, “With every purchase, we guarantee your old TV will feel like a stone tablet. Also, you definitely need a new HDMI cable. Please.”

At press time, an anonymous dad in Omaha was seen loading three QM7Ls into his minivan, explaining to a stunned cashier, “It’s called future-proofing, Susan.”