In a bold move to address the nation’s collective inability to cope with either reality or cable TV bills, Disney Plus and Hulu have announced an unprecedented $4.99 monthly bundle—widely hailed as the greatest advancement in American self-care since the invention of the weighted blanket.

“We’re thrilled to offer Americans the chance to numb themselves for less than the cost of making eye contact with a barista,” said Lana Brundle, Disney’s Vice President of Discounted Distractions. “Whether you want to stream the Oscars, rewatch Predator: Badlands, or just disassociate on the couch until you forget which year it is, we’re here for you.”

Experts predict the deal will dramatically increase the number of Americans reporting ‘feeling fine’ in government surveys, with preliminary studies showing a 75% reduction in existential dread among those bingeing both ‘Andor’ and ‘Elio’ simultaneously. “For the first time in years, my family talked to each other—about who gets the remote,” beamed Brad Wilkinson, who recently downgraded from talking therapy to ad-supported sitcoms.

In related wellness news, Google announced the Pixel Watch 4 is discounted by $60, enabling users to track heart rates previously spiked only by streaming-service auto-renewals. “Nothing puts my mind at ease like knowing my sleep score and being gently reminded I still haven’t stood up today,” reported fitness enthusiast Crystal Parsons, who plans to use her savings to buy ice cream and microSD Express cards for emotional support.

Industry analysts expect America’s serotonin levels to reach historic highs until the bundle’s price returns to normal and collective despair resumes in late March.