DOHA—In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the world of sports journalism, area reporter Timothy Briggs detailed his harrowing journey into the uncharted territory of speaking to women who claim to enjoy soccer.

“At first I thought they were lost,” Briggs admitted, recalling his initial confusion upon seeing several women voluntarily entering Al Bayt Stadium. “But then I realized they were not only there on purpose, but shouting things like, ‘Offside!’ and ‘Great volley!’—all in the correct context.”

Briggs, 34, described his interactions with women at the World Cup as a “paradigm-shifting experience,” adding, “This is almost as big as when I learned dogs can see some colors.”

One interviewee, Marisol Tanaka, 29, told reporters, “Yes, I came to watch Spain vs. Germany. Honestly, I wish men would stop acting like we’re all here for the snacks.” Another fan, Linda Porteous, 45, explained, “I grew up playing soccer. But please, continue being amazed that women have opinions about who should start at left back.”

FIFA officials have responded by launching a new initiative, ‘Women: They’re Really Here,’ featuring daily exposés on women’s bewildering ability to simultaneously cheer for teams and comprehend the offside rule. “Frankly, I thought it was impossible,” admitted veteran commentator Bert Winfield, “but now I must accept the evidence in front of me.”

At press time, Briggs was said to be investigating rumors that some women even voluntarily play soccer, though he assured readers, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”