CANBERRA — As talk of a new gas tax to curb profits made during international conflict gathers traction, the Australian gas industry has launched a full-scale PR offensive, warning that such a measure could plunge the country’s beloved yacht-polishing sector into chaos.

“Our oil executives depend on wartime profits to maintain their fleets,” said Samantha McCulloch, chief executive of the Australian Energy Producers, at a hastily convened press conference on the aft deck of the SS Profit Margin. “If we can’t upgrade to Italian marble in our on-board powder rooms, how can we be expected to export gas to Asia with dignity?”

Labor MPs like Jim Hothouse have signaled growing support for the tax, declaring, “Australians are sick of massive gas profits being shipped offshore. That money should be spent at home, on things like buying every citizen a complementary inflatable kangaroo.”

The opposition isn’t convinced. Shadow Energy spokesperson Trent Fizzwick explained, “Introducing a gas tax in the May budget would send a chilling message: that war is not supposed to be lucrative. This country was built on the principle that international conflicts are everyone’s ATM.”

Meanwhile, the Australian Public has reportedly been ‘fired up’ by the issue, with a Change.org petition titled, ‘Make Gas Giants Pay, or At Least Throw a BBQ for Everyone’ gathering thousands of signatures. Bryant Carburettor, a concerned citizen, summed up the nation’s mood: “If I can’t keep my heater on all winter while also feeling morally superior, what are we even doing as a country?”

A final decision is expected in the May budget, or after the gas industry’s next yacht crawl, whichever comes first.