SYDNEY—Australia’s once-scorching property market has cooled so dramatically following the government’s budget tax changes that real estate agents are now reportedly holding open houses in thermal underwear and distributing free cups of soup to shivering attendees.

“Last year, buyers were coming in droves, fighting each other in the front garden for a $1 million, one-bedroom shed,” lamented Karen Bligh, a Ray White agent in Bondi, voice muffled beneath a tactical-grade scarf. “Now, I can’t even lure them inside unless I promise central heating and proof the owner ever paid taxes.”

Following the May 12th budget’s negative gearing and capital gains tax reforms, the property market has not just cooled, but in some regions reached sub-arctic temperatures. Experts warn this may pose a risk of hypothermia for auctioneers. “I saw an auctioneer in St Kilda freeze mid-sentence—he’s still stuck at ‘Do I hear nine hun…?’ two weeks later,” said housing economist Dr. Bruce Toogood.

Critics argue the changes represent, in the words of Opposition Leader Megan Frost, “an unprecedented assault on the Australian dream of buying a house in 1993 and retiring at 36.” Meanwhile, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese assured the nation that “things will thaw out eventually—give it 12 to 37 years.”

Homeowner and aspiring retiree Trevor Canning summed up the sentiment at a recent viewing: “I bought my house in 1987 for $42,000 and I expect it to be worth $5 million forever. Anything less is a crime against aspiration.”