• Politics

Brazilian Congress Moves to Reduce Bolsonaro’s Prison Sentence to ‘Time Served in Presidential Palace’

Buck MulliganMay 2, 2026

Brazil’s congress passed a bill to dramatically reduce former President Jair Bolsonaro’s prison sentence, opting for symbolic penalties instead of jail time.

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• Sport

Athletes Demand Ban On Betting ‘Unders,’ Prefer Fans Only Wager On Impossible Personal Triumphs

Buck MulliganMay 2, 2026

Professional athletes’ unions have called for a ban on betting ‘unders,’ insisting fans should only place positive wagers on player performances.

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• Politics

Trump Withdraws Surgeon General Nominee After Learning She Once Ate a Vegetable

Buck MulliganMay 1, 2026

Trump withdraws his surgeon general nominee after discovering her public vegetable consumption, nominating a Fox News contributor instead.

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• Economy

UAE Storms Out of OPEC After 60 Years, Leaves Angry Breakup Texts and Cancels Group Netflix Account

Buck MulliganApril 29, 2026

The United Arab Emirates has abruptly left OPEC after 60 years, creating turmoil among oil producers and weakening the influential group.

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• Technology

Google Employees Demand Company Use AI For Only Wholesome, Non-Classified Surveillance Purposes

Buck MulliganApril 28, 2026

More than 600 Google employees sign a letter urging CEO Sundar Pichai to prevent the company’s AI from being used in classified military projects.

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• Politics

World Leaders Condemn Attempted Violence at White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Urge Future Assassins to Respect Cocktail Hour

Buck MulliganApril 27, 2026

World leaders condemn the shooting at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and call for political disputes to be resolved peacefully, especially during important social events.

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• Politics

India Furious as Trump Mistakes Entire Nation for New Jersey Turnpike Rest Stop

Buck MulliganApril 26, 2026

India condemned Donald Trump after he shared comments labeling the nation a 'hellhole,' sparking diplomatic tensions and an invitation for him to experience real Indian hospitality.

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• Sport

Scott Hanson To Host ‘Gold Zone’ Olympic Coverage Despite Not Knowing What ‘Dressage’ or ‘Modern Pentathlon’ Are

Buck MulliganApril 26, 2026

‘Gold Zone’ host Scott Hanson admits confusion over Olympic sports, promising viewers a unique mix of breathless excitement and total procedural ignorance during NBC’s Olympic coverage.

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• Politics

Justice Department Ends Powell Probe After Realizing Senate Only Hires Fed Chairs Who Double as Ventriloquist Dummies

Buck MulliganApril 25, 2026

The Justice Department abruptly ends its investigation of Jerome Powell, apparently to make way for President Trump's nomination of Kevin Warsh, who critics allege is an uncritical supporter of the administration.

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• Politics

Trump Phone Spotted Once Again in Wild, Scientists Debate Whether It Truly Exists

Buck MulliganApril 25, 2026

The Trump Phone remains as elusive as ever, with only vague sightings and no confirmed release, despite continued promises from Trump Mobile.

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