• Politics

Trump Unveils ‘Whites Only’ Welcome Mats at U.S. Embassy, Hopes to ‘Save Afrikaners from Sunny Climates, Too Much Protein’

Gloria HyperboleMarch 6, 2026

President Trump proposes a controversial plan to offer refugee status to white Afrikaners, sparking accusations of racism and bewilderment from South African President Cyril Ramaphosa.

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• Technology

Google Slashes Price of Pixel 10 to $599, Admits Phone Was Just $200 Worth of Blue LEDs All Along

Gloria HyperboleMarch 5, 2026

Google cuts the Pixel 10’s price by $200, promoting its high-tech features and blue LEDs as essential life improvements.

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• Entertainment

Married at First Sight Adds Obedience School Segment, Promises Contestants Will ‘Sit, Stay, Roll Over For Love’

Gloria HyperboleMarch 5, 2026

Following public backlash, Married at First Sight introduces obedience training segments in response to criticism over a contestant's dog-like expectations of women.

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• Entertainment

Harry Styles Announces Netflix Concert Film, Promises At Least Three Songs Where He Does Nothing But Kiss Microphone For Ten Minutes

Gloria HyperboleMarch 3, 2026

Harry Styles announces a Netflix concert film accompanying his new album release, featuring extended scenes of him kissing his microphone as a bold artistic choice.

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• Politics

Trump Blames Iran Attack on 2020 Election Loss, Claims Ayatollah Personally Stuffed Ballots in Detroit

Gloria HyperboleMarch 2, 2026

Donald Trump claimed Iran's attack on the U.S. is linked to his 2020 election loss, asserting Iranian officials interfered in the vote to unseat him.

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• Entertainment

Nation Eagerly Awaits Next Billion-Dollar Media Merger, Prays For End To ‘Streaming Hunger Games’

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 28, 2026

Netflix has walked away from its deal to acquire Warner Bros. Discovery after Paramount presented a more lucrative offer.

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• Politics

US Offers African Nations $350 Million in Exchange for Blood Samples, DNA, and Control of Spotify Playlists

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 28, 2026

African nations balk at US health aid agreements requiring them to share biological data, DNA samples, and control over music playlists in exchange for funding.

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• Sport

US Men’s Hockey Team Awarded Bronze Medal in Petty Snickering, Disqualified from Gold in Sportsmanship

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 28, 2026

The US men's hockey team was criticized after mocking the women's soccer team during their own gold medal celebration, sparking debate over sportsmanship.

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• Sport

US Offers Zambia $1 Billion in Health Aid, Unlimited Access to Multi-Vitamin Data, and Small Favorable Mining Rights—No Big Deal

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 26, 2026

A leaked US-Zambia health aid deal reportedly ties $1bn in funding to sweeping data access and mining concessions, drawing accusations of exploitation.

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• Technology

Google Acquires Chainsmokers-Endorsed AI, Promises Future Where All Music Has Slightly Annoying Drop

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 25, 2026

Google acquires Chainsmokers-endorsed AI music platform ProducerAI, pledging to automate the production of catchy, derivative pop hits.

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