• Politics

Trump Announces US Will ‘Run’ Venezuela Like A Subway Franchise, Offers Maduro ‘Free Cookie With Surrender’ Deal

Penny PunchlineJanuary 5, 2026

Donald Trump declared the US will 'run' Venezuela like a fast-food franchise, while Republicans and world leaders scramble to interpret the plan.

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• Economy

Iranian Regime Shaken as Protesters Threaten to Topple Government by Refusing to Buy State-Approved Raisins

Penny PunchlineJanuary 4, 2026

Iranians protest the regime’s weakness by boycotting state-approved raisins, sparking fears the government could soon face a snack-fueled revolution.

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• Technology

Meta Quest 3S Now Cheaper Than Escaping Reality With Starbucks Habit, Includes Gift Card to Buy More Virtual Regret

Penny PunchlineJanuary 4, 2026

Meta slashes Quest 3S headset price and throws in a $50 Amazon gift card, letting customers escape reality—and their savings—at unprecedented discounts.

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• Politics

Trump Claims US Destroyed ‘Important Thing’ in Venezuela, Possibly a Taco Stand or Giant Warehouse Full of Stuff—Details Forthcoming

Penny PunchlineJanuary 3, 2026

President Trump claims the US destroyed a significant, vaguely described facility in Venezuela, though neither details nor evidence have been provided.

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• Sport

Lane Kiffin Earns Million-Dollar Bonus for Heroic Effort of Not Actively Coaching Team to Victory

Penny PunchlineJanuary 3, 2026

Former Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin stands to receive up to $1 million in bonuses as his old team advances through the College Football Playoff without his involvement.

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• Politics

Judge Rules South Sudanese Can Remain In U.S. Until Country Upgrades From ‘Humanitarian Disaster’ to ‘Just Kind of a Mess’

Penny PunchlineDecember 31, 2025

A federal judge blocked the U.S. government from ending deportation protections for South Sudanese nationals, citing the country's ongoing humanitarian crises.

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• Politics

Trump Assures Netanyahu He’s ‘Basically President of Israel Now,’ Pardons Forthcoming ‘Any Minute’

Penny PunchlineDecember 31, 2025

Donald Trump falsely claims the Israeli president promised a pardon for Benjamin Netanyahu, prompting confusion and official denial from Israel.

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• Politics

Netanyahu Refuses to Consider Ceasefire Until Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Buffet Returns ‘All 12 Secret Herbs and Spices’

Penny PunchlineDecember 30, 2025

Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu insists a Gaza ceasefire is impossible until Mar-a-Lago's buffet is restored to its full spice lineup during his latest meeting with Donald Trump.

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• Politics

Trump Claims U.S. Struck ‘Huge Facility’ in Venezuela, Possibly a Wendy’s, Sources Still Unsure

Penny PunchlineDecember 30, 2025

Donald Trump claims the U.S. military struck a major facility in Venezuela, but provides no details, leaving both officials and Venezuelans puzzled about what, if anything, was actually hit.

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• Economy

Malaysian Prison Constructs Luxury Wing to Accommodate Former PM Najib Razak’s Growing Sentence Collection

Penny PunchlineDecember 29, 2025

Former Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak receives an additional 15-year prison sentence in the ongoing 1MDB scandal, significantly increasing his current term.

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