• Entertainment

Disney Assures Creatives They’ll Continue Being Ignored by Actual Humans, Not Just AI

Penny PunchlineDecember 12, 2025

Disney claims its new OpenAI partnership poses no risk to creative workers, promising to maintain tradition by disregarding their input manually.

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• Politics

Tufts Student’s Visa Revoked After Research Deemed ‘Too Interesting,’ Federal Agents Cite Dangerous Levels of Student Participation

Penny PunchlineDecember 10, 2025

A Tufts PhD student from Turkey is allowed to resume her research and teaching after a federal judge overturned the Trump administration’s revocation of her visa following her pro-Palestinian activism.

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• Economy

China Relieved to Learn Trillion-Dollar Trade Surplus Can at Least Buy Enough Bubble Wrap for 2025 Shipments

Penny PunchlineDecember 10, 2025

China’s record trade surplus surpasses $1 trillion, prompting officials to celebrate their ability to buy more packing materials while quietly worrying about their overwhelming dependence on foreign markets.

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• Technology

Pebble Unveils $75 AI Ring That Lets You Forget You Ever Tried Remembering Things in the First Place

Penny PunchlineDecember 10, 2025

Pebble’s founder launches the Index 01, a $75 AI-powered ring that records voice notes on demand and promises to relieve users of ever needing to remember anything again.

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• Politics

Trump Shocked To Learn Presidential Pardons Do Not Come With Complimentary MAGA Starter Pack

Penny PunchlineDecember 8, 2025

Donald Trump expressed outrage after pardoned Democrat Henry Cuellar declined to join the Republican Party, revealing Trump's belief that clemency should come with guaranteed party loyalty.

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• Sport

Transgender Athlete Claims Teammate’s C In Algebra Caused By ‘Negative Vibes’ From Cafeteria Salad

Penny PunchlineDecember 8, 2025

A former SJSU trans athlete alleged that a teammate’s eating habits and academic downturn were caused by cafeteria salads and locker room energy, sparking widespread confusion.

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• Entertainment

Netflix Acquires Warner Bros, Promises To Replace All Classic Films With Unskippable ‘Love Is Blind’ Marathons

Penny PunchlineDecember 7, 2025

Netflix has announced the acquisition of Warner Bros Discovery, with plans to integrate classic films into its reality TV-dominated programming lineup.

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• Technology

Nation Urged to Buy Nintendo Switch 2, Ninja Creami, and Smart Glasses Before They Revert to Useless Doorstops at Midnight

Penny PunchlineDecember 7, 2025

Americans are pressured to snap up hot Cyber Monday deals on the Nintendo Switch 2, Ninja Creami, and Echo Frames before the discounts—and possibly their social status—disappear forever.

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• Entertainment

Marjorie Taylor Greene Swaps Capitol Hill for Rose Garden, Declares War on Politically Correct Dating as Next ‘The Bachelorette’ Contestant

Penny PunchlineDecember 4, 2025

In a bold and unexpected pivot, Marjorie Taylor Greene is set to become the next contestant on 'The Bachelorette,' bringing MAGA values and unfiltered honesty to prime-time reality TV. Her quest for love is being hailed by supporters as the ultimate red-pill moment for America’s toughest culture warrior.

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• Technology

Report: Best Switch 2 Controller Is Last One You Haven’t Bought Yet

Penny PunchlineDecember 4, 2025

A gaming expert concludes that the best Nintendo Switch 2 controller is always the next one you haven't bought yet, as manufacturers race to add increasingly absurd features.

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