WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold leap forward for unbridled executive enthusiasm, Congressional leaders this week announced a new era of hands-off governance, revealing that President Trump may now launch military campaigns against Iran, or any country, so long as he promises to “text us when you get there.”

The announcement comes after both the Senate and House set aside centuries-old war powers traditions by blocking measures requiring approval for new hostilities. Instead, Republican leadership unveiled a commemorative ‘Presidential License To Bomb’ card, which Majority Leader Mitch McConnell described as “like a Blockbuster card, but for airstrikes.”

“Honestly, the president might as well have fun with it,” said Rep. Dan Crenshaw, who was seen playfully tossing his copy of the Constitution into a Capitol fireplace. “We’re just glad Trump’s hobbies don’t involve model trains or stamp collecting.”

Democratic lawmakers attempted to mount an objection but were interrupted by Speaker Mike Johnson, who explained, “If the Founding Fathers wanted us to stop the president, they wouldn’t have written the Constitution in Latin or whatever.”

Trump himself celebrated the new Congressional flexibility during a campaign rally in Scranton, promising supporters, “From now on, no paperwork, no questions — just pure, beautiful bombing. So easy, even Eric could do it.”

Analysts expect the House to follow up with measures allowing the president to declare bankruptcy for the country by simply shouting “YOLO.”