LONDON — In a landmark case that legal experts are calling “tepidly unprecedented,” parcel delivery megacorp Evri has filed suit against the BBC for £1.2 million after a Panorama documentary alleged the company occasionally misplaces the odd package, casts them into limbo, or, in rare instances, delivers them to the surface of Mars.

According to documents filed at the High Court, Evri’s lawyers claim the Panorama special, titled ‘Evri: Where’s My Parcel?’ resulted in ‘grave reputational damage’ and the ‘loss of at least 14 prospective clients, several of whom had been considering shipping as many as five packages a month.’ The suit also demands compensation for emotional distress and ‘replacement of all commemorative mugs, socks, and advent calendars never delivered in December 2023.’

“Our brand has always been synonymous with mystery and suspense,” said Evri spokesperson Cheryl Parcelwright. “But Panorama’s journalistic witch-hunt unfairly suggested that we not only lose parcels, but sometimes simply forget they ever existed.”

The BBC responded in a statement: “We stand by our reporting and remind Evri that the documentary itself was sent to them three times, but their representatives claimed not to have received it.”

Legal analyst Sir Barry Lostson commented, “It’s the classic British dilemma. If a tree falls in the forest and Evri was meant to deliver it, did it ever even have a tracking number?”

At press time, Evri had reportedly failed to deliver its own court summons to the BBC, confirming earlier BBC allegations that the company occasionally loses track of ‘key items of legal importance.’