In a landmark achievement for the merging of public office and personal brand management, Donald Trump has reported more than $2 billion in earnings during his latest stint as President, thanks to a robust portfolio including Trump Golf Courses, Trump Watches, Trump Cologne, and the ever-popular Trump Bible, which now comes autographed in gold ink and features a foreword by Kid Rock.

The financial windfall has inspired a wave of copycat entrepreneurs across the Western political landscape, with politicians snapping up trademarks for everything from Macron Eau de Parfum to Boris Johnson’s Limited Edition Hair Gel. “It’s just inspiring,” said Bradly Winthrop, founder of the nonprofit Civic Griftwatch. “Who knew that running a country could finally pay as well as being on QVC at 3 a.m.?”

In Parliament, British MP Olivia Smythe unveiled her “Westminster Wallets” line, declaring, “If Mr. Trump can fund a hotel by denouncing wind turbines, surely I can sell wallets every time I vote against welfare. It’s what the public wants: representation that smells like money.”

Experts warn this signals a decline in ancient, outdated customs such as not turning public office into a Shark Tank audition. Ethics professor Dr. Harman Grievous summarized the new reality: “These days, if your president doesn’t have his own sparkling water, you’re just not a serious country.”

Meanwhile, Trump has hinted at future launches, including a Trump-branded presidential pardon app, and Mar-a-Lago mattress toppers, ensuring that wherever ethics are buried, someone’s making a buck.