WASHINGTON—In a bold new initiative to streamline inconvenient reality, the Department of Justice announced Thursday it has removed all online records pertaining to prosecutions of January 6 defendants, unveiling what officials describe as “Memory Hole 2.0—efficiency for a post-truth world.”

“This is just the beginning,” said Acting Memory Curator Guy Redaktor, unveiling a new DOJ website featuring nothing but a 2008 ‘Happy Holidays’ banner and a photo of a bald eagle eating a cheeseburger. “We feel it’s important that Americans aren’t weighed down by the burden of selective facts or, frankly, too many words.”

Critics have raised concerns that erasing hundreds of news releases about the Capitol attack prosecutions amounts to historical revisionism. “People keep saying ‘don’t forget January 6,’ but honestly, we’re putting in a lot of effort to make sure you do,” explained Deputy Undersecretary for Historical Erasure Deb Bunkum. “Next week, we’ll be removing news about Watergate, the Great Depression, and anything else that looks bad on a campaign hat.”

When asked about transparency and the public’s right to know, DOJ spokesperson Rick Blott issued a brief statement: “The American people demand accountability, and nothing says accountability like a totally blank website.”

At press time, IT contractors were seen drafting plans to replace the DOJ’s site with a looping video of Justice Scalia doing jazz hands, while all mentions of ‘rioters’ were set to be changed to ‘enthusiastic tourists.’