As Memorial Day approaches, Americans nationwide are preparing for the age-old tradition of honoring fallen heroes by purchasing Smart Thermostats, 4K OLED TVs, and personal robot vacuums at historically low prices.

“It’s important to remember the sacrifices made,” said Best Buy spokesperson Kaitlyn Smurthwaite, arranging a stack of LG B5 OLEDs in the shape of an American flag. “Especially the sacrifices made by manufacturers and retailers on their suggested retail pricing.”

From the beaches of Walmart to the battlefields of Amazon Prime, citizens are urged to commemorate the nation’s bravest by scoring a $500 discount on a 55-inch Samsung S95F. Many are heeding the call. “My grandfather fought in World War II so I could save $100 on a Sonos Roam 2,” explained proud American Greg Polanski, rolling his new Dyson PencilWash across his kitchen floor. “We must never forget.”

Retailers assure customers that the current markdowns are the most solemn to date. “For us, Memorial Day isn’t about profit. It’s about reflection – and the reflection off our discounted offerings of Nothing Ear (a) Earbuds in snazzy yellow,” explained Amazon’s Senior Seasonal Messaging Director Lisa Blump. “Savings are for everyone, regardless of which streaming platform they served on.”

As cookouts and pool parties commence, many will pause to remember: freedom isn’t free, but Bluetooth speakers nearly are. Observers expect the moment of silence at 3 p.m. to be briefly interrupted by the thundering, crystal-clear bass of a $99.95 JBL Flip 7.