With only hours remaining to claim a coveted gift card before preordering Apple’s new MacBook Neo, financial analysts say Americans are scrambling, desperate to snatch up the last remaining pieces of plasticized freedom that quietly power modern capitalism.

“It’s really not about the MacBook,” confessed Best Buy spokesman Chad Funderburke. “It’s about knowing you have a $25 electronic gift card burning a hole in your inbox. That’s the American dream.”

The latest MacBook Neo, now listed at the approachable price of $599.99, arrives with a free $25 Best Buy gift card if consumers commit before March 11th. Economists warn this could destabilize the GDP. “We’re seeing a massive uptick in productivity, but only in the ‘Add To Cart’ sector,” reported MIT’s Dr. Denise Cashwell. “Entire towns in Ohio have abandoned farming in favor of monitoring preorder countdown timers.”

Gift cards are also available for Samsung’s Galaxy S26 ($100) and Google Pixel 10A ($100), raising concerns about a sudden influx of digital currencies with no actual value. “I bought a MacBook and three Galaxy S26s just for the cards. I don’t even use technology. I live in a yurt,” said Kansas resident and sweepstakes blogger Ferndale Judy. “But now I control $475 in promotional credits. It feels like real power.”

Apple, for its part, announced that unclaimed gift cards will be swept into a future “Vision Pro Home for the Financially Unloved,” where they’ll be cared for by AI caretakers until responsibly redeemed for select HomePod Minis.