WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a historic ruling, U.S. District Judge Brandon Slabowski has affirmed former President Donald Trump’s right to transform the White House Rose Garden into an octagonal cage for the much-anticipated ‘UFC Freedom 250’ pay-per-view brawl, dismissing a lawsuit from Virginia residents who insisted that ‘bare-knuckle mayhem on federal property’ violates the Constitution.

Citing the Federalist Papers and ‘the Founders’ likely love of a good scrap,’ Judge Slabowski concluded that nothing in the nation’s founding documents “explicitly prohibits the Commander-in-Chief from hosting flyweight title fights on the South Lawn.”

Preparations for the event are already underway. Reports indicate that White House intern Ethan Greeble has been tasked with relocating the bust of Lincoln to provide space for the cage-side drinks cart. “It’ll be tasteful, very presidential,” Greeble told reporters, “and the mat is red, white, and blue, so it’s basically a patriotic duty.”

Trump himself praised the decision, declaring, “George Washington would have loved to see Chuck Liddell headlock a Canadian. Tremendous for diplomacy.”

White House spokesperson Tiffany Boomer emphasized the event’s significance for American foreign policy: “There’s no greater symbol of freedom than watching two professional athletes attempt to elbow each other into unconsciousness just steps from the Situation Room.”

Several former presidents have chimed in. “I’m just relieved the McRib will be available at concessions,” said Bill Clinton from an undisclosed barbecue joint. “That’s real leadership.”