INDIANAPOLIS—In a stunning development ahead of their matchup with the Los Angeles Sparks, the Indiana Fever announced Friday that they will field a team comprised entirely of Caitlin Clark tribute accounts, as Coach Stephanie White confirmed Clark’s newly sustained infinite back injury has left the franchise with no tangible roster.

“We looked around the locker room and realized everyone else was just wearing Clark jerseys and posting TikToks about her,” White explained at a press conference while photoshopping Clark’s face onto a cardboard cutout. “At this point, our game plan is to livestream the last quarter of ‘High School Musical 3’ instead of playing.”

According to sources, Clark suffered her debilitating injury from the strain of carrying the entire WNBA season’s narrative on her shoulders, not during the Mercury game as previously believed. “Medical staff call it ‘Narrative Compression Syndrome,’” said team physician Dr. Riley Sprong. “Frankly, it’s a miracle she made it this long. No mortal being was meant to absorb this much ESPN push notification pressure.”

Despite her absence, the Fever insist morale remains high. “I was going to be our starting center but then I got locked out of my Twitter again,” said user @ClarkHeart4Eva, who will now serve as backup point guard and halftime show. “Whatever gets me closer to a signed pair of her shoes.”

As the Fever scramble for eligible players, analysts predict the Sparks could win by their largest margin since 2017, assuming the game is not replaced entirely by a Clark-themed karaoke contest.