Big Daddy's Truth Factory

GOP Senate Hopeful Proudly Endorsed By Man Who Married His Daughter, White Supremacy ‘Just A Bonus’

ATLANTA, GA—Republican Senate candidate Mike Collins’s campaign entered a new era of transparency Tuesday, as the trucking executive, Trump ally, and part-time Facebook meme curator acknowledged his close relationship with white nationalist influencer David Alan Scheer II, clarifying that it’s simply because Scheer married his daughter, not because of Scheer’s collection of swastika-themed Etsy stickers.

“I want to be clear—the only thing David and I have in common is our love of family, American values, and occasionally retweeting things that you have to look up on Urban Dictionary,” Collins told supporters at a Georgia Waffle House, pausing only to sign a copy of Mein Kampf for a confused constituent. “I didn’t vet my daughter’s suitors based on their appreciation for early-20th-century European symbolism. That was just a pleasant surprise.”

Campaign strategist Bethany Cropper downplayed concerns. “Frankly, I’ve met way less wholesome son-in-laws. At least David never forgets Mother’s Day—he even bakes cookies shaped like Norse runes,” Cropper said, adding, “This is just good, clean, family-oriented extremism.”

Scheer himself addressed the controversy on his YouTube channel, “The Aryan Paladin Hour,” commenting, “I’m tired of the media smearing me for my beliefs. I prefer to be judged for who I am: a mediocre podcaster with strong opinions about grain storage.”

When asked about the controversy, Collins’s primary opponent, Glenn Webber, responded, “I wish my daughter had married a white nationalist influencer. All I got was a dentist from Vermont.”

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Buck Mulligan

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