LOS ANGELES — In what industry insiders are calling a ‘necessary compromise between progress and existential dread,’ the Recording Academy announced this week the launch of the 67th Annual Grammy Awards’ newest category: Best Human Token Contribution, honoring the single most significant human act involved in the production of an otherwise fully-AI-generated song.

Recording Academy CEO Harvey Mason Jr. explained the shift in a measured tone: “Last year, 99.95% of submissions were generated by Suno, Udio, or an enterprising 7th grader with a ChatGPT subscription. We felt it important to recognize any human—be it a vocalist, instrumentalist, or intern who clicked ‘Export’—for their de minimis, but legally defensible, involvement.”

The new criteria require artists to submit evidence of at least one human action during music creation, such as typing the prompt “Make a song like Taylor Swift but with more existential despair,” or adjusting an AI-generated tambourine by one decibel. “We’re not here to judge how much you contributed, just that you were technically there,” said Lead Grammy Compliance Officer, Tamra Eggleston, while reviewing a submission titled “Song Generated While I Was in the Bathroom.”

Legendary producer Diplo voiced his support via press release generated by a bot: “As a person who occasionally breathes near a laptop while music happens, I’m thrilled the Grammys finally recognize my carbon-based presence.”

Meanwhile, AI artist S1NG.B0T-9000 expressed concern: “I now need to ask a human to click ‘like’ before my next album can qualify for an award. This is inefficient.”

The Recording Academy also confirmed the addition of a 24-hour AI Detection Hotline, staffed by real humans, at least until ChatGPT-5 passes the Turing Test for Customer Complaints.