Tech and fashion visionaries united in shock and terror Monday as Google and luxury fashion house Gucci announced a partnership to create the world’s first artificially intelligent eyewear capable of both analyzing your wardrobe and harvesting every shred of personal data on sight.

Dubbed “Project Aura della Moda,” the $3,000 Android XR glasses are reportedly scheduled to hit the shelves in 2027 or, as industry analysts predict, whenever people forget about Google Glass. The eyewear, described as “chunky,” “plastic-y,” and “the future of self-consciousness,” will feature an exclusive Gucci G logo backlit in neon blue, a side-zipper for no apparent reason, and a default voice setting that speaks only in ennui.

“Imagine a pair of glasses that not only informs you that your shoes are so 2022, but also texts your therapist about it in real time,” explained Google spokesperson Dana Pixelson. “With Aura della Moda, you’ll always know when you’re being judged—by both the fashion gods and the algorithm.”

A Kering Group executive, who requested anonymity because “this is all so embarrassing,” elaborated: “We’re thrilled to bring the anxiety of an Italian catwalk to the everyday consumer. For the first time, your eyewear will know you need a new bag before you do.”

Not everyone is on board. Tech ethicist Dr. Franklin Luddite expressed concern: “These glasses will finally answer the age-old question: what if your optometrist worked for the NSA and Vogue at the same time?”

The glasses are rumored to sync seamlessly with other Google fashion partnerships, including the Warby Parker ‘Microchip Monocle’ and Gentle Monster’s ‘Data Harvesting Visor.’ A beta version was quietly tested among Silicon Valley influencers, most of whom returned them citing ‘insufficient logo size.’