In a shocking upset, HBO Max’s flagship drama “The Pitt” led this year’s Emmy nominations, while network executives announced plans to push creative boundaries further by greenlighting a follow-up series consisting entirely of ambient white noise and shots of moody stairwells.

“Clearly, audiences and voters crave bleakness, so next year we’ll deliver 60 hours of static in 4K, bathed in tasteful teal-and-orange,” said Cynthia Dworkin, HBO Max’s VP of Award Bait. “‘The Pitt’ was just a warm-up, and if voters want more brooding ambiguity, we’ll give them existential nothingness, literally.”

“I haven’t watched television since 1987,” confessed Television Academy member Harold Glass. “But when I see a show described as ‘unflinchingly glum,’ I just check every box. Congratulations to ‘The Pitt’ for being the only show I’ve heard of this season.”

Netflix and Apple TV+, both trailing in nominations, have reportedly begun development on their own derivative shows, including Netflix’s “The Gutter”—a 22-hour silent exploration of urban drainage systems—and Apple’s “Static: Vision Pro Edition,” promising immersive 360-degree ennui.

Lead actor Jasper Lorn, who plays brooding taxidermist Clive Drummond in “The Pitt,” says he’s proud of the show’s impact. “We shot three consecutive seasons in a windowless basement. None of us has seen daylight since 2021, but at least our suffering feels authentic. That’s what awards are all about.”

Sources confirm HBO Max will continue strategies that maximize nominations, including reclassifying all upcoming content as both drama and comedy, and occasionally just shipping blank Blu-rays directly to voters.