In a bold leap forward for digital progress, Meta has launched a new AI-powered news feed dedicated exclusively to AI-generated clickbait—ensuring that users never again suffer the indignity of seeing actual information.

Dubbed the “For You (But Not Really)” section, the feed boasts algorithmically crafted headlines such as “You Won’t Believe What This Lizard Said to Queen Elizabeth II (Both of Them)” and “Doctors Hate Him: This One Weird AI Discovered a New Planet in Your Fridge.” Each story is paired with images only slightly less coherent than your aunt’s 3 a.m. posts after a Chardonnay binge.

Meta spokesperson Brittany Algorithm explained, “We realized our users were already falling for absurd clickbait, so why not cut out the middleman and have the AI write it? Plus, our robots work for exposure and pizza emojis.”

Some users have expressed confusion about the nature of the stories. “I clicked on ‘10 Surprising Health Benefits of Eating Concrete’ because it had a picture of a cat wearing a crown,” confessed longtime Facebook user Bob McMurray. “Now my teeth hurt, and I still don’t know if the Queen has a twin.”

Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg remains optimistic. “This finally bridges the gap between what people think is real and what’s just algorithmic fever dreams. By 2026, we’ll have AI writing historical biographies of AI writing clickbait. The loop is unstoppable.”

At press time, the top trending AI article was “This AI Discovered the Secret to Happiness—And It’s Not What You Think (It’s More AI).”