HOLLYWOOD—The United States was rocked Thursday as news broke that Peter Van Norden, a man whose enduring contribution to American culture was his appearance in ‘Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment,’ has died at 75. Van Norden is survived by his son, his extensive collection of hats, and an entire Wikipedia page that is now expected to see a sudden 800% increase in traffic.
Van Norden, reportedly also featured in ‘The Stand’ and ‘A Country Scandal’ (a play whose plot scholars still debate), is remembered fondly by film buffs who just realized someone must have played “Officer Vinnie Schtulman.” “It’s a tragic loss for the dozens of people who can still recall ‘Police Academy 2’ without mixing it up with the other six,” said entertainment industry analyst Marjorie Opitz. “He brought gravitas to the role of ‘guy standing near Steve Guttenberg.'”
Former co-star and perpetual 1980s supporting actor Jerry Weldon offered emotional remembrance. “I always told Peter he was the Daniel Day-Lewis of mid-budget crime comedies. In a way, his performance was so nuanced, you didn’t notice it at all. Which, in Police Academy, is a feat.”
Fans have already gathered on a Facebook group titled ‘I Think This Is That Guy From That One Movie?,’ sharing Van Norden’s most iconic scenes, often expressed entirely through GIFs of other actors. “His influence can’t be overstated—in fact, I’m not allowed to overstate it for legal reasons,” said group admin Cheryl Baxter.
His family has requested donations be sent to the ‘Society for the Preservation of Unmemorable 80s Sequels.’

