The NCAA confirmed Tuesday that the long-awaited 2026-2027 college football season will be easier to watch than ever before, provided fans are prepared to subscribe to seventeen different streaming services, unlock a geo-restricted app coded only in Old Norse, and tune in to ‘GoatCast AM 1630’ in greater Dublin.

The new season kicks off August 29th at Aviva Stadium in Ireland, as the North Carolina Tar Heels face off against TCU Horned Frogs in a game that will test global sports diplomacy and the patience of anyone trying to locate the correct login. “We’re thrilled to make college football accessible to everyone willing to remortgage their homes for streaming passwords,” said NCAA spokesperson Tanner Ballentine, while triple-checking his DirecPeacockHulu+ Live VR credentials. “And for fans without broadband, GoatCast will provide authentic play-by-play coverage, translated live by actual goats.”

The main broadcast will air on ESPNPrimeLuxeMax+, with alternate feeds available on Discovery+, AppleTV Sanctioned Sports, and a Twitch channel moderated by an algorithm named ‘CoachBot69.’ Viewers are encouraged to keep at least nine browser tabs open and two VPNs running at all times. “By the time I find the right stream, the first half is usually over, but it’s the thrill of the hunt that keeps me coming back,” said longtime fan Jessica Leeks, as she attempted to enter a 32-character OTP to access the coin-toss feed.

In a press release, the NCAA assured fans that next season, the championship game will be aired exclusively on encrypted USB drives left in random Chipotle bathrooms nationwide.