MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Google announced Wednesday that the new Pixel Buds Pro 2 wireless earbuds are so advanced, users are reporting the complete erasure of all previous auditory memories, dramatically improving their appreciation for what $169.99 can buy.

“When I first put them in, I was amazed. Not only did the sound quality make me rethink every mediocre life decision, but the noise cancellation was so intense I accidentally missed my son’s graduation,” said Chloe Underwood, freelance blogger and accidental audiophile. “I haven’t heard my own thoughts in days. It’s a godsend.”

According to Google, the Buds Pro 2’s active noise cancellation is now rated at ‘neighbor-mowing-the-lawn-at-7am-proof.’ The newest transparency mode, known as “Selective Honesty” by engineers, can filter out any unwanted sound, including criticism and existential dread. “It’s the closest thing to living inside a sponsored meditation app,” gushed product manager Trent Volmer, while staring into the distance. “And, yes, you can now nod your head to answer calls, though we do warn users that excessive head movement may trigger Google Maps directions to the nearest chiropractor.”

Early adopters have also praised the product’s fit. “Before these, my ears were so greasy that nothing stayed in,” explained local vlogger Jax McCullough. “But now, thanks to $16.99 Tang Town Ultra-Foam Tips, I can finally keep my buds in—even while wrestling raccoons. That’s peace of mind you can’t put a price on, except for $16.99. Plus shipping.”

The Buds Pro 2 are available in limited colors, including “Corporate White,” “Algorithm Blue,” and the ever-popular “We Swear This Isn’t Just Gray.”

For those who still can’t connect, Google suggests upgrading literally everything else in their lives until the buds work properly.