In a bold bid to normalize betting on every conceivable aspect of human existence, the major prediction market firm Polymarket has announced that this year’s Oscars will serve as the nation’s official “gateway drug” to wagering on literally anything, including but not limited to local PTO elections, the migratory schedule of geese, and which cousin will cry first at your next family gathering.

“People have always wanted to make bets about who’s going to win Best Actor, but we’re here to help them graduate to the harder stuff—like predicting when someone will invent a new type of stapler,” said Polymarket spokesperson Bryce Tangle, who was last seen frantically checking odds on how many times the word “stunning” would be used in the Oscars broadcast. “Frankly, if you’re not betting on your neighbor’s divorce timeline, are you even living?”

According to Polymarket, partnerships with awards shows like the Golden Globes are just the beginning. “We want people to feel comfortable betting on fun, consequence-free events, so by the time they’re wagering on the Papal Conclave or the collapse of Western civilization, it feels totally natural,” explained Sarah Dribble, Chief Risk Officer at BetTheWorldNow.com.

Some users are already hooked. “I used to just casually bet on who’d win Dancing with the Stars, but now I’m up all night analyzing odds on when my cat will barf on the rug again,” confessed avid gambler Jerry Pluck, who intends to hedge his bets with a side wager on the Met Gala guest list leaks.

Analysts predict that by 2027, Americans will have fully replaced family gatherings, therapy, and traditional conversation with a series of live-streamed wagers on whose smoke alarm will chirp first.