MOGADISHU—In a bold step to ensure national stability, Somali authorities this week sentenced rickshaw driver and nursing graduate Sadia Moalim Ali, 27, to three years in prison after she allegedly ‘hurt the feelings’ of government officials by criticising them on social media.

‘We have a long history of tolerating dissent, but there are limits,’ said Ministry of Public Comfort spokesperson Ahmed Nur, adjusting his official Emotional Support Lanyard. ‘Her comments led at least three cabinet members to need an extra cup of tea and several minutes of quiet time.’

Ali was originally charged with ‘insulting government institutions’ and ‘inciting others to commit the ultimate crime of disagreeing in public.’ While only convicted of the former offense, government prosecutor Yusuf Barre confirmed this would set a firm precedent. ‘We’re not just protecting officials,’ Barre explained. ‘We’re making Somalia a safer place for anyone who can’t handle basic criticism.’

Supporters rallied outside the courthouse, with one protester, Halima Farah, warning, ‘If speaking your mind is a crime, then we’re all guilty—except, of course, for the cabinet, who have nothing to say.’

Government officials say they are considering setting up an official National Council of Hurt Feelings to streamline future prosecutions. ‘We will continue to guard our precious egos, one tweet at a time,’ vowed Information Minister Hodan Abdi. Meanwhile, the Ministry of Justice reminded citizens that while free speech is important, ‘it should be practiced quietly, privately, and only about how great the government is.’