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The Atlantic Celebrates Ten Years of Highlighting Politicians’ Awkward Teen Phases by Republishing Old JD Vance Anti-Trump Essay

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Hoping to add some much-needed nostalgia and schadenfreude to this year’s election cycle, The Atlantic re-published JD Vance’s vintage 2016 essay deriding Donald Trump as “cultural heroin”—a move that experts say could revolutionize the way Americans judge politicians: by re-reading their most embarrassing takes from a decade ago.

In an editor’s note, Atlantic leadership invited readers to compare Vance’s previous anti-Trump musings to his current role as Trump’s vice presidential running mate, noting, “We believe true democracy means always remembering that everyone has receipts.” Readers reportedly flocked to the article, eager to relive the innocent days when Vance was just a concerned citizen in corduroy, warning that Trump voters “need a cold shower and an Anthony Bourdain marathon.”

“We’re working on a series where we’ll publish politicians’ angry LiveJournal posts from 2004,” said Atlantic historian Midge Erskine. “Next up: Ron DeSantis’s ‘Harry Potter and the Tax Cut of Doom’ fan fiction.”

Political analyst Bryce Winstead commented, “It’s only a matter of time before JD Vance denounces this essay, releases a TikTok duet with Trump, and blames The Atlantic for unleashing the opioid crisis.”

Meanwhile, a spokesperson from the Vance campaign issued a statement: “Senator Vance’s views have evolved, just as America has evolved from flip phones to Samsung smart refrigerators.”

At press time, The Atlantic confirmed plans to re-release Pete Buttigieg’s middle school essay, ‘Why The Electoral College Is Like My Clarinet Teacher—Confusing But Necessary.’

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