WASHINGTON—Amid fierce Republican backlash, former President Donald Trump doubled down this week on his proposal to spend $1 billion on ‘essential security upgrades’ to the White House ballroom, warning that ‘America faces an unprecedented crisis of wedding crashers, gatecrashers, and potential freeloaders.’

“Frankly, I don’t need money for the ballroom—I can crash my own events if I need to,” Trump insisted during a press conference held from the Mar-a-Lago patio, flanked by security guards inexplicably dressed as groomsmen. “But the American people deserve to know their galas, state dinners, and clandestine fundraising soirées are protected from rogue conga lines.”

The plan, which includes biometric cupcake detection, marble-reinforced velvet ropes, and an armed squadron of former Rockettes, has met with skepticism from Senate Republicans worried voters may balk at the price tag. “We’re trying to reach working families, and this doesn’t help,” said Senator Carla Flanagan (R-OK). “Also, Newt Gingrich is still mad he never got his plus-one.”

Supporters remain undeterred. “We can’t have another 2012 cheese fountain incident,” declared self-described ballroom security expert Vance Dempsey. “Do you want chaos, or do you want caviar and Republicans lightly swaying to Journey?”

Polls show the public remains divided, with 37% in favor of ‘elite nuptial perimeter integrity’ and 12% believing the funds should instead be used to purchase additional swordfish centerpieces.