PALM BEACH, FL — In a move political analysts are calling ‘revolutionary’ and ‘possibly felonious,’ former President Donald Trump this week unveiled a Mar-a-Lago fundraising initiative allowing high-dollar donors to personally insult the families of judges overseeing his legal cases.

During a speech at his resort shortly after his arraignment, Trump explained the new program, stating, ‘For $10,000, you can suggest an unsubstantiated rumor about any judge’s relative, and for $25,000, I’ll say it on Truth Social myself! Our legal system has never been more accessible to the American people.’

According to sources, the program—dubbed ‘Justice For Sale: The Family Edition’—offers platinum-level contributors an annual pass to Mar-a-Lago brunches, where they can participate in roundtable discussions brainstorming creative insults for legal officials, their spouses, and even distant cousins. ‘We’re putting the ‘fun’ back in ‘fundraiser,’ said campaign spokesperson Tiffany Gavelson. ‘It’s about empowering everyday billionaires to take control of the judiciary, one petty slight at a time.’

Legal experts were divided. ‘It’s a clever new form of participatory democracy,’ said Henry Scald, Professor of Constitutional Bypass at the University of Phoenix Online Law. ‘Though I’m not sure the Founders envisioned this exact scenario.’

Haberman herself weighed in, noting, ‘Trump’s strategy here is as old as America: when cornered by the law, make it a family affair.’