In a move critics are calling both ‘visionary’ and ‘alarmingly self-promotional,’ former President Donald Trump announced he would immediately release $18 billion in frozen infrastructure funds for New York—if Penn Station agrees to be rechristened ‘Trump Supreme National Transit Palace.’

“It would be, frankly, the greatest station in history if it had my name on it. Maybe the world,” said Trump Thursday, during a hastily convened press conference held in front of a life-sized gold statue of himself breaking ground with a diamond shovel. “Right now, it’s Penn Station. Not a good name. Not getting the job done. People get lost. But say ‘Trump Station,’ and everybody wins. Everybody finds the train. Incredible.”

Trump’s proposal reportedly includes renaming Dulles International Airport to ‘Trump Intergalactic Gateway,’ with special consideration for a bronze plaque immortalizing his 2013 visit to the Panda Express in Terminal B. “If we’re going to build tunnels, extend subways, fix airports, I should be remembered for it,” Trump added. “Otherwise, why bother?”

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, who received the proposal via a gold-embossed email, responded, “We’re open to negotiations, but at no point will we consider renaming the New Jersey Turnpike ‘Trump Motor Speedway.’ That’s off the table.”

Commuter advocacy groups expressed skepticism. “I just want the trains to run on time,” said Maria Polanski, president of Riders for Sanity. “If calling it Trump Station gets my train here before 11 p.m., I’ll wear a red hat and call it Mar-a-Lago Terminal. Frankly, we’re desperate.”