WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump abruptly announced the end of a fragile ceasefire with Iran Wednesday after receiving what he called “shocking intelligence” that the nation of Iran was still, in fact, a thing.

Speaking at a NATO summit in Ankara while wearing an American flag-themed jacket and a hat that read, “Ceasefire Schmeasefire,” Trump declared Iranian leaders to be “vicious, violent scum” and insisted he would not negotiate with them for at least “a couple of hours, maybe more if golf runs late.”

“Look, I gave them every chance. Every. Chance. But they kept violating the agreement by being Iranian,” Trump told reporters, before handing out personalized ‘Make Iran Behave Again’ stress balls. “Frankly, the only thing more fragile than this ceasefire is Rudy Giuliani’s WiFi connection.”

Military officials described the latest US strike on 80 targets as “just a little fireworks display to remind Iran we’re still here,” and confirmed it was coordinated using real-time Twitter polls. “We decided to scrap the sanctions waiver for Iranian oil because we heard they were using the money for, you know, Iran things,” explained deputy defense secretary Kyle Blanchard, while nervously consulting TikTok for moral support.

Meanwhile, NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte offered full support for the renewed hostilities, noting, “Ceasefires are lovely in theory, but sometimes you need a quick little skirmish to keep everyone on their toes.”

Iran responded with rocket attacks on US bases but urged the international community to remember, “This is all technically still classified as peace talks.”

As oil prices rose 3%, financial analyst Wendy Slater commented, “For markets, there’s nothing more stabilizing than a return to unpredictable military conflict.”