President Trump on Monday called upon all world leaders to coordinate an ambitious new strategy to isolate Iran—by collectively ignoring its existence until it “apologizes for being naughty.” Sources say the president delivered a passionate speech at the United Nations, flanked by a globe, a pointer, and a large red marker used to draw a frowny face over the entire Middle East.

“Our plan is simple. Nobody calls Iran. Nobody trades with Iran. And if they try to talk to us, just keep scrolling,” Trump explained to a room of visibly exhausted diplomats, adding, “If we all block Iran, it will eventually learn its lesson, just like my nephew after that incident with the goldfish.”

Meanwhile, the Supreme Court has offered the Trump administration a “temporary blessing” to continue restricting mail-in voting, pending further review. The decision came after three hours of spirited debate, a brief recess for chicken sandwiches, and a heated game of Rock, Paper, Scissors between Justices Gorsuch and Sotomayor. “We determined that mail-in ballots are too fun and convenient,” said Chief Justice John Roberts, “and everyone knows democracy works best when it’s slightly inconvenient and involves standing in the rain.”

International leaders have responded with cautious optimism. “We’re open to creative solutions,” commented French President Emmanuel Macron, “but we draw the line at unfriending a country on Facebook.”

In a historic gesture of transatlantic unity, British Foreign Minister Penny Dabblesworth offered support, announcing, “We will be putting Iran in a very stern group chat called ‘Naughty List.’”