In a bold move to help consumers finally fill the emotional void left by human interaction, Bose has announced a 35 percent discount on its SoundLink Micro Bluetooth speaker—the only electronic device specifically engineered to be both virtually unfindable and just powerful enough to overpower the sound of your soul screaming into the void.

The 4.02-inch square speaker, weighing less than a pound and boasting a bright orange strap, can now be yours for just $79.99—approximately the price of 0.7 Taylor Swift concert tickets or two and a half gallons of gasoline. Amazon shoppers have reported finding it in the bottom of their gym bag, wedged in couch cushions, and—most impressively—inside an unopened box of Eggo waffles.

“I love that it’s so small I can lose it anywhere,” said Chad Furlong, a self-identified Bluetooth speaker enthusiast and man who hasn’t seen his charger since the Carter administration. “But when I finally do find it, it’s loud enough to let my neighbors know I’m still alive and listening to yacht rock.”

Bose guarantees the SoundLink Micro is both dustproof and waterproof, noting that it “can survive a day at the beach, a night in the toilet, or an extended stay inside a kindergartener’s backpack.” Lead engineer Amanda Plunkett beamed, “We wanted to create a speaker you can attach to literally anything. Our next model will come pre-zip-tied to your therapist’s clipboard.”

Nadine Bartlett, an early adopter, raved: “Thanks to its 12-hour battery, I can blast motivational podcasts all day while biking away from my responsibilities. Bose truly gets me.”

Industry experts predict this discount will spark a nationwide scavenger hunt as consumers fan out across their own homes, determined to find the speaker they bought last year.