WASHINGTON — In a historic move blending combat sports, cryptocurrency, and the nation’s highest office, the UFC confirmed Friday that all bonuses at its upcoming White House event will be paid exclusively in World Liberty TrumpCoins, a stablecoin minted directly from the Mar-a-Lago basement.

The June 14th event, coinciding with Donald Trump’s birthday, will unfold on the South Lawn, or as organizers described it, “the only place left in D.C. where no one questions how money changes hands.” Fighters will be able to cash in their TrumpCoins at participating locations, including select Trump hotels, casino gift shops, and Eric Trump’s trunk.

“Finally, there’s a currency as stable as my hands after a fistful of Adderall,” UFC president Dana White declared, presenting a novelty TrumpCoin roughly the size of a hubcap. “No more lame dollar bills for our bone-breakers. The future is shiny and gold—just like the drapes in the Lincoln Bedroom.”

Trump family spokesperson Tiffany Trump elaborated, “These aren’t just coins. Each is personally inscribed with a failed business venture. This one’s for Trump Steaks. Collect all 18 and you get a free NFT of my dad yelling ‘You’re Fired!’ at Joe Biden.”

Some fighters remain unconvinced. Lightweight contender Rico “CryptoKilla” Gonzalez expressed concern: “Last time my sponsor paid me in crypto, it turned out to be Dave & Buster’s tickets. I hope this is more liquid.”

As an additional bonus, the event’s champion will reportedly be given the ceremonial right to attempt a flying armbar on an IRS auditor, “pending Secret Service approval and a signed NDA,” according to sources.