In a shocking turn of events Monday, oil prices plummeted below the sacred $100-a-barrel mark, sending millions of Americans scrambling to adjust their coping mechanisms for global instability.

Brent crude futures, the global oil benchmark and America’s favorite scapegoat for bad life decisions, dropped 6% to a paltry $97.43 per barrel, as news spread of a possible peace deal between the US and Iran. The Dow Jones immediately soared, while doomsday preppers everywhere began returning half their gasoline stockpiles to Walmart for store credit.

‘Frankly, I’m not sure why I bought this 12th generator,’ said Texas resident and gasoline enthusiast Ron Bixby, who admitted to feeling “lost and untethered” by the sudden absence of oil-fueled panic. ‘With oil at these levels, I might have to start investing in, like, sustainable energy or something. Makes me sick just saying it.’

Analysts say the price drop has left Big Oil executives reeling. ‘We’re consulting legal on whether oil can sue for emotional distress,’ stated ExxonMobil spokesperson Lila Dripson. ‘We were just getting started on our new gold-plated yacht fleet.’

Meanwhile, SUV manufacturers expressed concern that consumers might reassess their need for vehicles that weigh 4,000 pounds and offer exactly 8 miles to the gallon. ‘Without $120 oil, how will people rationalize the urge to purchase 2025’s Ford Leviathan?’ lamented Ford’s Vice President of Overcompensation, Tom Tanker.

Despite these concerns, experts assure the public that as long as somebody somewhere is angry at someone else, sky-high oil prices remain just one incident away.