MEXICO CITY—In a gesture hailed as both neighborly and vaguely reminiscent of a high school sleepover, Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum announced Monday that Mexico will host the Iranian national football team during the World Cup after the U.S. declined their reservation due to, as sources put it, “double-booking their guest room with democracy.”

FIFA officials reportedly frantically messaged Sheinbaum via WhatsApp after discovering the U.S. had left Iran’s team on read, despite Iran’s three scheduled group matches on American soil. Mexico’s government quickly agreed, citing an unofficial policy of “always saying yes to couch-surfers who bring their own cleats.”

“We’re happy to offer Iran the warm hospitality of everything short of actually playing a match here,” said Foreign Ministry spokesperson Julieta Vasquez, who confirmed arrangements include a complimentary minibar stocked with Jarritos and a framed photo of Guillermo Ochoa. “We even fluffed their pillows in the shape of the Aztec calendar. That’s just good manners.”

Team USA manager Greg Treadwell defended the snub: “Look, we love hosting, but the last time our guest left their nuclear centrifuge in the minibar and we’re still sorting out the damages with the hotel.” Meanwhile, FIFA representative Jean-Claude Dubois expressed relief, noting, “At least now we don’t have to explain the concept of TSA to them. That always gets awkward.”

Iran’s head coach, Mehdi Rahmati, welcomed the arrangement. “We were told Mexico has excellent tacos and none of our players will be mistaken for secret agents. That’s a win in our book.”