CANBERRA—In a bold display of multitasking, the Australian government has unveiled a comprehensive plan to help citizens navigate impending global catastrophe by simultaneously warning of imminent economic collapse and expanding pharmacists’ powers to prescribe birth control.

Treasurer Jim Chalmers addressed both the existential and everyday challenges facing the nation on ABC’s RN Breakfast. “On the one hand, the IMF is literally screaming at us about a global economic meltdown. On the other, we’re making it easier for Australians to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Because, frankly, who wants to bring a child into a world where lettuce costs $47?” Chalmers explained, clutching a copy of the IMF report and a sample birth control packet for emphasis.

Experts applauded the government’s pragmatic approach. “Nothing says ‘fiscal responsibility’ like preparing for economic Armageddon while also making sure the next generation is entirely optional,” said Dr. Sharon Twohill, Professor of Crisis Management at the University of Nowhere. “If the stock market crashes, at least you won’t be up at 2am with a screaming baby and £8,000 gas bills,” she noted.

Meanwhile, NSW pharmacist Tony Pill observed, “Customers come in for emergency contraception, and I just tell them, ‘Honestly, it’s not the kids that’ll bankrupt you—it’s the mortgage rates going thermonuclear.’ Then I hand them a Panadol and a coupon for canned beans.”

The government is reportedly considering additional measures, including distributing crash helmets for the economy and offering free hugs from economically literate kangaroos at selected chemists nationwide.