WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans across the political spectrum spent the weekend glued to their screens as a monumental debate erupted over whether a computer-generated image of Jesus would have endorsed the Trump campaign’s latest trade policies.

The controversy began when former NCAA swimmer Riley Gaines bravely objected to an AI rendering of Jesus Christ—sporting a MAGA hat and holding a McChicken sandwich—shared by Donald Trump on Truth Social. “While I remain 110% committed to the America First agenda, I just think humility and maybe a less pixelated Jesus would make our message more messianic,” Gaines explained to a crowd of eight at a Waffle House campaign brunch.

Trump’s team responded swiftly, with social media strategist Chad Briskett defending the theological implications of AI-generated messiahs. “Look, if Jesus came back today, there’s no way he wouldn’t be all-in on deregulation. And photoshop. Maybe some deepfake Parables,” Briskett told Fox News Digital’s new hologram correspondent.

Not to be outdone, Truth Social user @PatriotMary47 announced that her own AI Moses would soon be weighing in on border security. “If Riley wants to split hairs, maybe she should try splitting the Red Sea,” @PatriotMary47 posted alongside a jpeg of Moses wielding a Build The Wall banner.

International AI theologians are reportedly drafting a new doctrine—tentatively titled “Gospel According to The Algorithm”—to clarify whether artificial intelligence saints should be polled before every policy announcement.