• Technology

Desperate Holiday Shoppers Flock To Sony XM5 Headphones, Hoping Noise Cancellation Will Drown Out Guilt Over Missed Black Friday Deals

Buck MulliganDecember 22, 2025

Last-minute holiday shoppers rush to buy discounted gadgets like Sony headphones and Kindles in hopes that noise cancellation and smart devices will help them cope with the guilt and chaos of procrastinated gift-giving.

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• Politics

White House Blames Bill Clinton for Absolutely Everything After Epstein File Release

Buck MulliganDecember 21, 2025

The White House has officially designated Bill Clinton as its all-purpose scapegoat following the release of Epstein files, attributing a wide range of unrelated issues to the former president.

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• Politics

DOJ Releases Epstein Files Written Entirely In Black Highlighter, Urges Public To ‘Connect The Dots, Maybe’

Buck MulliganDecember 21, 2025

The DOJ has released heavily redacted Epstein files, offering the public almost no new information and igniting further outrage over transparency.

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• Politics

South African Men Shocked to Discover ‘Personal Development Seminar’ at Russian Front Line Involves More Trenches, Less Mindfulness

Buck MulliganDecember 20, 2025

Seventeen South African men claim they were misled into fighting for Russia in Ukraine after being promised a personal development seminar organized by Duduzile Zuma-Sambudla.

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• Politics

Trump Announces Plan to Build Massive Sea Wall Around Venezuela, Hopes Oil Will Pay For It

Buck MulliganDecember 18, 2025

President Trump unveiled plans to blockade Venezuelan oil with a floating sea wall, insisting Venezuela pay for it and igniting international debate.

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• Economy

Norwegian Oil Giant Heroically Fights Climate Change By Relocating Oil Directly Into North Sea

Buck MulliganDecember 17, 2025

Norwegian oil company Equinor faces a £53 million penalty after years of maintenance lapses led to significant oil spills and gas leaks at its Mongstad refinery.

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• Entertainment

‘Zootopia 2’ Shatters Box Office, Global Economy Now Pegged to Animated Animal Films

Buck MulliganDecember 15, 2025

‘Zootopia 2’ becomes the year’s highest-grossing film, prompting world leaders to peg economic indicators to its box office performance.

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• Sport

Trump Warns NIL Turning College Sports Into ‘Pre-Professional Hunger Games’, Suggests Winner-Take-All Dodgeball Instead

Buck MulliganDecember 14, 2025

Donald Trump condemns NIL deals, claims they're destroying college sports, and proposes a nationwide dodgeball tournament as an alternative compensation system.

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• Politics

Democrats Demand Kristi Noem Resign, Suggest Replacing DHS with Angrily Shouting Protesters

Buck MulliganDecember 12, 2025

Democrats call for Governor Kristi Noem’s resignation and propose installing an outspoken protester as Homeland Security chief after a congressional hearing is interrupted.

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• Economy

Government Defends Business-Class Flights: ‘Public Servants Need Reclining Seats to Properly Consider Value for Money’

Buck MulliganDecember 12, 2025

The government rejected recommendations to limit business-class flight privileges for public servants, emphasizing that taxpayer value is best secured from reclining seats.

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