• Politics

Europe Installs Emergency Trump Sirens, Urges Citizens to Practice ‘Duck and Cover’ Drills

Buck MulliganDecember 11, 2025

European Union leaders have implemented continent-wide Trump Warning Sirens and emergency drills in response to new U.S. foreign policy threats.

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• Entertainment

Netflix Announces 12-Part Cinematic Universe Starring Transgender Coal Miners, Expands Into ‘Cinematic Anthracite Realism’

Buck MulliganDecember 11, 2025

Netflix to release 'Queen of Coal,' a film about a transgender coal miner, sparking debate and leading to plans for a cinematic universe centered on gender-diverse fossil fuel workers.

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• Politics

Trump Unveils Bold New Strategy: Calls for Europe to Increase ‘Racism Output’ to Defend Itself from Global Threats

Buck MulliganDecember 10, 2025

Donald Trump proposes a new US security doctrine urging European nations to combat perceived weakness by dramatically increasing their racism and divisiveness.

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• Sport

Iran Demands FIFA Restyle ‘Pride Match’ as Either ‘Shame Match’ or at Least ‘Mildly Uncomfortable Match’

Buck MulliganDecember 10, 2025

Iran’s football authorities objected to FIFA’s plan to brand their World Cup game against Egypt as a ‘Pride Match’, urging organizers to rename it to better suit their cultural preferences.

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• Politics

Supreme Court Debates Whether President Can Fire Literally Anyone, Including Rival FTC Members and Oddly Surly Baristas

Buck MulliganDecember 9, 2025

The Supreme Court hears arguments about whether President Trump had the authority to fire an FTC member, raising questions about the limits of presidential power.

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• Entertainment

Paramount Increases Hostile Bid For Warner Bros Discovery, Offers $100 Billion And One Shrek DVD

Buck MulliganDecember 9, 2025

Paramount escalates Hollywood's bidding wars by launching a $108.4 billion hostile takeover of Warner Bros Discovery, outdoing Netflix’s $82.7 billion offer and sparking industry-wide chaos.

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• Sport

Trump Announces 2026 World Cup to Feature Penalty Shootouts at Mar-a-Lago, Orange Ballots for Goals

Buck MulliganDecember 9, 2025

Donald Trump reportedly partners with FIFA to give the 2026 World Cup a 'MAGA makeover,' including Mar-a-Lago shootouts and orange ballots for scoring.

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• Technology

Square Announces ‘Penny Disposal Fee’ to Aid Small Businesses in Post-Penny Apocalypse

Buck MulliganDecember 9, 2025

Square launches a new service to help businesses dispose of obsolete pennies, charges a fee for rounding up, and touts AI-powered solutions for the post-penny era.

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• Economy

Queensland Museum’s Climate Curriculum Sponsored by Shell Reveals Shocking New Cause of Global Warming: ‘Mysterious Hot Air’

Buck MulliganDecember 8, 2025

Queensland Museum’s Shell-sponsored education program omits fossil fuel burning as a major cause of climate change, instead attributing global warming to 'mysterious hot air' and other ambiguous factors.

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• Sport

Gamers Defend Right To Play Bad Video Game ‘Horses,’ Insist Suffering Is Core To Artistic Experience

Buck MulliganDecember 7, 2025

The controversial, critically panned video game 'Horses' becomes a viral bestseller after its high-profile bans, as gamers unite to defend their right to play games widely regarded as unenjoyable.

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