• Entertainment

Thanksgiving Box Office Declares ‘Zootopia 2’ Essential Service, Turkeys Sidelined for Animated Mammals

Buck MulliganDecember 1, 2025

Thanksgiving weekend box office receipts for ‘Zootopia 2’ and ‘Wicked: For Good’ soar past $249 million, as Americans increasingly prefer animated mammals and witches over traditional holiday gatherings.

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• Technology

Americans Suffer Black Friday FOMO as Over 3 Billion Deals Remain Technically ‘Active’ Until the End of Time

Buck MulliganNovember 30, 2025

Retailers continue to extend Black Friday with billions of overlapping deals, leaving consumers trapped in a perpetual cycle of shopping anxiety and FOMO.

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• Politics

Open Society Foundations Threatens to Sue Unless Allowed to Continue Overthrowing Democracies in Peace

Buck MulliganNovember 27, 2025

The Open Society Foundations announced plans to take legal action against the Trump administration to protect their right to fund global progressive causes.

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• Sport

Virginia High School Surprised to Learn That Man Everyone Warned About Is Actually a Criminal

Buck MulliganNovember 27, 2025

A Virginia high school football coach accused of child pornography offenses disappears and is declared a fugitive, surprising a community that had long ignored persistent allegations.

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• Entertainment

Hollywood Promises ‘Groundbreaking’ Asian Representation by Casting White Guy with Black Wig in Next Marvel Film

Buck MulliganNovember 27, 2025

Marvel Studios faces backlash after announcing a white actor will play an Asian superhero, calling it 'groundbreaking representation.'

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• Entertainment

World’s Supply of Chill Officially Plunges as Jimmy Cliff Passes Away at 81

Buck MulliganNovember 25, 2025

Satirically reports on Jimmy Cliff's death by claiming his passing has caused a global shortage of chill, prompting worldwide mild panic.

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• Politics

Trump Offers Ukraine ‘Peace Plan,’ Promises Free Set of Steakhouses With Every Concession

Buck MulliganNovember 24, 2025

Trump's absurdly flexible Ukraine peace plan includes offers of steakhouses and reality TV concessions, turning international diplomacy into a televised sales pitch.

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• Sport

UAB Football Player Mistakenly Thinks ‘Stab Block’ Is Literal, Faces Attempted Murder Charge

Buck MulliganNovember 24, 2025

UAB player misunderstands aggressive athletic metaphors, leading to extreme and literal consequences.

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• Politics

Trump Sets Ukraine War Deadline for Thanksgiving Because ‘Nobody Likes Cold Turkey’

Buck MulliganNovember 23, 2025

Trump gives Ukraine a Thanksgiving deadline for ending the war, claiming holiday logistics should dictate global peace.

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• Technology

China Probes US Chipmaker for Cybersecurity Threat After Discovering Memory Chips Mysteriously Remember Things

Buck MulliganNovember 23, 2025

China investigates US chipmaker for 'remembering too much,' satirizing escalating tech paranoia.

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