• Politics

Trump Declares Venezuela ‘Newest U.S. State,’ Assigns Eric Trump as Provisional Governor and Chief Oil Taster

Buck MulliganJanuary 11, 2026

Donald Trump declares Venezuela the 51st U.S. state after seizing its president and appointing Eric Trump as provisional governor and chief oil taster.

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• Politics

ICE Agents Now Authorized To Open Fire On Anyone Appearing Threatening, Including Women Holding Yoga Mats

Buck MulliganJanuary 9, 2026

Trump and Governor Noem publicly defend an ICE agent who fatally shot a Minneapolis woman, citing expanded definitions of national security threats.

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• Sport

Tennis Tournament Organizers Admit Wildcard Spot Should Not Have Gone to Random Woman From Nearby Starbucks

Buck MulliganJanuary 9, 2026

A professional tennis tournament accidentally gives its wildcard entry to a Starbucks barista, leading organizers to admit errors after her viral, disastrous performance.

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• Entertainment

Emmy Winner Attempts Bold New Genre: Chess-Themed Film With Absolutely No Chess In It

Buck MulliganJanuary 9, 2026

Emmy-winning director Bridget Stokes announces her genre-bending detective film 'Zugzwang,' which features no actual chess content despite the chess-themed title.

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• Politics

Minnesota Governor Decides Two Terms of Scandal Management Are ‘Character Building Enough,’ Opts for New Career in Witness Protection

Buck MulliganJanuary 6, 2026

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz announces he will not seek a third term, citing burnout from scandal management after widespread social services fraud controversies.

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• Entertainment

Drake Allegedly Pays Artificial Intelligence Army in Casino Winnings to Listen to Own Music, Still Not Top Artist on Spotify

Buck MulliganJanuary 6, 2026

Drake and Adin Ross are accused in a lawsuit of using online casino funds to pay for bots that artificially inflate Drake's music streams.

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• Politics

Trump Forgets to Tell Congress About Venezuela Operation, Claims ‘Was Too Busy Tweeting About It’

Buck MulliganJanuary 5, 2026

President Trump authorized a secret operation to detain Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro without informing Congress, citing a busy tweeting schedule.

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• Entertainment

Rob Schneider Reveals Secret Hollywood Room Where Conservative Actors Are Fed to CGI Scanners, Recast As AI-Generated Sidekicks

Buck MulliganJanuary 5, 2026

Rob Schneider alleges that Hollywood secretly blacklists conservative actors and digitizes them for use as AI-generated sidekicks in blockbuster films.

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• Economy

‘Real Housewives’ Star Revealed to Be Running Ordinary American Mega-Church, Experts Livid at Lack of Innovation

Buck MulliganJanuary 3, 2026

A new TLC docuseries reveals 'Real Housewives' star Mary Cosby is accused of running a standard-issue exploitative church operation, disappointing cult experts with its lack of innovation.

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• Technology

Satya Nadella Launches AI Blog, Promises Weekly Updates on ‘Slop vs. Not-Slop’ Developments

Buck MulliganJanuary 3, 2026

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella announces a new blog to discuss 'slop vs. sophistication' in AI, promising weekly updates on the evolving state of artificial intelligence.

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