• Politics

Melania Trump Unveils Christmas Decorations, Announces White House Now Officially Sponsored By Glitter, Pine-Scented Air

Gloria HyperboleDecember 15, 2025

First Lady Melania Trump reveals extravagantly decorated White House Christmas display featuring a 'Home Is Where The Heart Is' theme and overwhelming quantities of glitter, artificial snow, and holiday excess.

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• Economy

Americans Gleefully Exchange Festive IOUs as Student Loan Debt Replaces Christmas Presents

Gloria HyperboleDecember 14, 2025

Student loan debt forces Americans to replace holiday gifts with IOUs, debt-themed decorations, and creative austerity measures.

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• Politics

Trump Mobile Phone Delayed Again as Engineers Still Debating Whether ‘Big Button’ Should Actually Work

Gloria HyperboleDecember 13, 2025

Trump Mobile's long-awaited smartphone faces yet another delay as its creators debate core features, leaving eager customers with little more than patriotic slogans and recurring billing charges.

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• Sport

Amazon Relieves Burdened Gamers by Offering 10% Off Backlog-Inducing Award Winners

Gloria HyperboleDecember 13, 2025

Amazon launches a massive sale on Game Awards titles, helping already-overwhelmed gamers add even more unfinished games to their ever-growing backlogs.

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• Politics

In A World First, Australia Passes Legislation With No Content At All

Gloria HyperboleDecember 11, 2025

Australia has stunned the world by passing a social media ban for children 16 and under with legislation containing absolutely no content. Lawmakers across the globe are bewildered as the bill includes no rules, no enforcement, and not a single guideline, making it the first law in history that is literally just a headline.

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• Entertainment

‘Barbershop’ TV Series Announces Additional 47 Recurring Cast Members, Sparking Fears Of On-Screen Hairdresser Overcrowding

Gloria HyperboleDecember 10, 2025

Amazon Prime Video’s new 'Barbershop' series continues expanding its cast, fueling speculation about logistical challenges as dozens of actors join an already massive ensemble.

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• Technology

Experts Warn: If You Don’t Buy Nintendo Switch 2 and Ninja Creami This Week, Your Family Will Never Feel Joy Again

Gloria HyperboleDecember 8, 2025

Experts caution that failing to buy heavily discounted Nintendo Switch 2 and Ninja Creami deals this week could irreparably damage family happiness.

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• Entertainment

Nation Gripped by Existential Dread as ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s 2’ Crushes Box Office, Signals Animatronic Apocalypse

Gloria HyperboleDecember 8, 2025

‘Five Nights at Freddy’s 2’ stuns the box office with a $63 million opening as ‘Zootopia 2’ surpasses $900 million globally, leaving Hollywood both thrilled and deeply unsettled.

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• Politics

Capitol Pipe Bomb Suspect Shocked to Learn Placing Explosives at National Monuments Is Frowned Upon

Gloria HyperboleDecember 6, 2025

Brian Cole Jr., accused of planting pipe bombs near the US Capitol before the January 6 attack, makes his first appearance in federal court on explosives charges.

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• Economy

Financial Markets Now 100% Certain RBA Will Ruin Everyone’s Weekend Plans in 2026

Gloria HyperboleDecember 6, 2025

Financial markets are unanimously predicting that the Reserve Bank of Australia will hike interest rates in 2026, sparking widespread panic among homeowners and property investors.

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