• Politics

Trump Announces ‘Buy-One-Get-Nation-Free’ Oil Deal After Venezuela Loyalty Card Filled

Larry LiteralistJanuary 9, 2026

Donald Trump claims the US will control Venezuela's oil for years after receiving full cooperation from the country's interim administration.

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• Technology

LinkedIn Reinstates AI Startup After CEO Assures Bots ‘Will Only Network Respectfully’

Larry LiteralistJanuary 9, 2026

LinkedIn has allowed AI startup Artisan back on its platform after assurances that its bots will limit their networking to more 'respectful' levels.

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• Politics

George Conway Announces Plan To Run For Congress As Every Political Party, Will Decide Later

Larry LiteralistJanuary 7, 2026

George Conway, a former Republican and prominent Trump critic, launches a congressional bid as a Democrat in New York’s 12th district, signaling a willingness to embrace any party affiliation as needed.

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• Sport

LSU Generously Allows New Offensive Coordinator to Finish Playoff Game, Run Errands for Ole Miss Before Starting Job

Larry LiteralistJanuary 7, 2026

LSU has allowed its newly hired offensive coordinator, Charlie Weis Jr., to coach Ole Miss in their upcoming playoff game and finish assorted tasks before joining LSU full-time.

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• Politics

Nepal Unites Behind Historic Rapper-TV Host Alliance, Anticipates Parliament Will Now Be Livestreamed With Sick Beats

Larry LiteralistJanuary 6, 2026

Nepalese rapper-mayor Balendra Shah and TV host Rabi Lamichhane form a political alliance after youth-led protests, vowing to address the demands of the country’s younger generation.

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• Politics

George Clooney Flees to France Citing ‘Dangerous Shortage of Paparazzi, Decent Cabernet’ in US, Fears Wife Might Be Mistaken for International Sanctions List at Customs

Larry LiteralistJanuary 4, 2026

George Clooney has relocated to France, citing US sanctions threats, poor wine, and a lack of quality paparazzi as key reasons for his move.

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• Politics

Billion-Dollar Bitcoin Hacker Released Early, Appointed Head of White House Cybersecurity Ethics Committee

Larry LiteralistJanuary 4, 2026

Bitcoin hacker Ilya Lichtenstein, released early thanks to the Trump-era First Step Act, is appointed head of the White House Cybersecurity Ethics Committee.

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• Economy

Area Trucker’s Bank Robbery Foiled After Semi-Truck Proves Unsuitable Getaway Vehicle Yet Again

Larry LiteralistJanuary 2, 2026

A North Carolina trucker allegedly robbed a bank with a fake bomb and fled the scene in his own semi-truck, leading to a slow-speed police chase before being arrested.

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• Politics

Iran’s Foreign Minister Urges Trump to Ignore Netanyahu, Offers To Sweeten Nuclear Deal With Free Mar-a-Lago Golf Passes

Larry LiteralistJanuary 1, 2026

Iran's foreign minister urges Trump to defy Israeli pressure and resume nuclear negotiations, offering golf perks and glow-in-the-dark uranium as incentives.

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• Technology

Luxury Vacuum Now Cheaper Than Therapy, Promises to Remove Emotional Baggage Along With Dust

Larry LiteralistJanuary 1, 2026

The Dreame X40 Ultra robot vacuum goes on sale for $503, with users discovering it not only cleans floors but offers existential comfort at a fraction of the price of therapy.

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