• Sport

Premier League Teams Down to 12,463 Mathematically Still Able to Qualify for Champions League

Larry LiteralistMay 5, 2026

As the Premier League season draws to a close, an ever-increasing number of English teams are found to be mathematically capable of qualifying for the Champions League through increasingly improbable scenarios.

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• Politics

Presidential Approval Ratings Reveal Unbroken Tradition of Voters Disliking Every President Before Midterms

Larry LiteralistMay 5, 2026

Americans once again express widespread disappointment in their president ahead of the midterms, continuing a cross-party tradition of midterm discontent.

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• Politics

Trump Declares ‘Hostilities’ With Iran Over After 60-Day Free Trial Period Expires

Larry LiteralistMay 3, 2026

Donald Trump informed Congress that hostilities with Iran have ended because the 60-day deadline for war approval under the War Powers Act has expired.

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• Politics

NATO Concerned 5,000 US Troops Will Be Forced to Learn Polish After Germany Withdrawal

Larry LiteralistMay 3, 2026

NATO officials react to the US decision to withdraw 5,000 troops from Germany, prompting concerns about troop redeployment and the economic impact on local German towns.

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• Politics

Pentagon Admits Iran War Not Over Despite White House PowerPoint Slide Reading ‘WE WIN :)’

Larry LiteralistMay 1, 2026

Defense Secretary Hegseth comes under Senate scrutiny for providing wildly optimistic reports of U.S. victory in Iran despite ongoing high fuel prices and ambiguous war outcomes.

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• Politics

States Fast-Track New ‘Congressional Thunderdome’ Districts as Trump Promises ‘Extra Seats for All My Favorite Governors’

Larry LiteralistMay 1, 2026

After a Supreme Court ruling weakens the Voting Rights Act, states scramble to redraw congressional maps, with Republicans promising creative new districts and Democrats threatening to move to New Zealand.

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• Technology

Americans Brace For $14 Windfall In Historic Google Data Privacy Settlement, Vow To Spend Responsibly

Larry LiteralistApril 27, 2026

Americans will receive payouts of up to $14 from Google's Android data privacy settlement, prompting nationwide plans for responsible windfall spending.

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• Entertainment

Emmy Voters Woefully Unprepared for Emotional Complexity of ‘DTF St. Louis,’ Analysts Warn

Larry LiteralistApril 24, 2026

David Harbour’s Emmy bid for ‘DTF St. Louis’ has left Television Academy voters emotionally shaken and confused about the nature of both regional crime dramas and St. Louis itself.

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• Technology

Sony Slashes PS5 Price by $200, Promises To Raise It Again Once You Start Feeling Joy

Larry LiteralistApril 23, 2026

Sony unexpectedly discounted the PlayStation 5 Digital Edition by $200, causing excitement, confusion, and existential dread among gamers and retailers alike.

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• Politics

Iran Reportedly Down to Last Jar of Caviar as U.S. Blockade Threatens ‘All-You-Can-Eat’ Buffet Industry

Larry LiteralistApril 23, 2026

President Trump claims strict U.S. sanctions are forcing Iran to ration caviar and luxury goods as financial collapse looms.

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