• Economy

Jhoots Pharmacy Promises To Settle Debts As Soon As It Finds That One Missing Paracetamol Packet Worth £670,000

Larry LiteralistDecember 31, 2025

Struggling pharmacy chain Jhoots faces insolvency after failing to pay locum pharmacists £670,000, prompting court action by Lloyds Bank.

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• Technology

Americans Announce Plan to Live Entirely Off Portable Battery Until Infrastructure Improves

Larry LiteralistDecember 31, 2025

Americans are increasingly adopting portable backup batteries as a permanent solution to unreliable power grids, opting to live off devices like the Anker 521 PowerHouse.

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• Sport

Russia Achieves Tireless Resistance: Michelin Tyres Reach Moscow Disguised as ‘French Baguettes’

Larry LiteralistDecember 31, 2025

Despite international sanctions, Russia continues to import Michelin aviation tyres via intermediary companies by disguising them as French baguettes, customs records suggest.

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• Economy

Cryptocurrency Market Tanks After Trump Tweets ‘Bitcoin Good,’ Investors Realize That’s the Whole Plan

Larry LiteralistDecember 30, 2025

Cryptocurrency markets collapsed after a Trump tweet and tariff announcement shattered investor confidence, wiping out $1 trillion in digital asset value despite record-high bitcoin prices.

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• Technology

Microsoft’s Majorana 1 Quantum Computer: The Ultimate Breakthrough in Announcing Nonexistent Things

Larry LiteralistDecember 28, 2025

Microsoft has unveiled Majorana 1, a quantum computer so cutting-edge it simultaneously advances science and the art of declaring products that do not yet exist. This heralds a new era where corporate announcements for flying pigs and other mythical innovations are, at last, officially sanctioned.

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• Politics

Trump Proposes Senate Replace Filibuster With Single Round of Rock, Paper, Scissors

Larry LiteralistDecember 28, 2025

Donald Trump calls on Senate Republicans to abolish the filibuster and replace it with a single round of rock, paper, scissors to speed up legislation.

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• Technology

Americans Celebrate Week Between Christmas and New Year’s by Panic-Buying Discount Phones, Power Banks, and Mario Games They’ll Instantly Lose in Couch

Larry LiteralistDecember 28, 2025

Americans desperately buy discounted gadgets and Nintendo games during the lull between holidays, hoping to distract themselves until the new year.

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• Politics

Former Marine Prepares For Trump’s Immigration Enforcement By Stockpiling Camo Face Paint, Tactical Clipboards

Larry LiteralistDecember 27, 2025

Former Marine Janessa Goldbeck organizes elaborate civilian readiness efforts to counter Trump's rumored troop deployments for immigration enforcement.

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• Economy

Malaysian Prison System Announces New ‘Najib Wing’ After Former PM Collects Loyalty Sentence Points

Larry LiteralistDecember 27, 2025

Former Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak receives an additional 15-year sentence related to the 1MDB scandal, increasing his total prison time to 21 years.

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• Technology

Google Pixel 10 Discount Causes Surge in Unwanted Gift Exchanges, Nation Braces for ‘Mass Re-Gifting Event of the Decade’

Larry LiteralistDecember 26, 2025

A massive Pixel 10 price drop leads to a nationwide surge in last-minute gifting and re-gifting of the discounted phones.

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