• Politics

Middle East Conflict Officially Reclassified as ‘Perpetual Background Noise’ by Global Powers

Larry LiteralistJune 7, 2026

World powers have officially downgraded the Middle East conflicts to 'perpetual background noise,' pledging to only revisit them when not busy with oil markets or elections.

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• Politics

California Governor’s Race Now Officially Sponsored by Mattress Firm as Vote Counts Roll Into Sixth Straight Night

Penny PunchlineJune 6, 2026

California’s governor’s race remains unresolved as marathon vote counting continues, prompting exhaustion, corporate sponsorships, and desperate pleas from poll workers.

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• Politics

Trump Phone Discovered Manufactured in ‘America-Adjacent’ Factory Near Guam, Experts Say

Veronica TruthbombJune 6, 2026

New evidence suggests the Trump Phone, marketed as an all-American product, was manufactured overseas, raising questions about its patriotic credentials.

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• Politics

Justice Department Argues Only Conga Line of Congress Can Stop $400 Million Trump White House Ballroom, Not ‘Some Silly Judges’

Buck MulliganJune 6, 2026

The Justice Department claims only Congress, not the courts, can prevent President Trump from building a lavish $400 million White House ballroom.

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• Politics

California Governor’s Race in 18th Day of Vote Counting, Election Officials Request ‘More Snacks, Fewer Ballots’

Chester P. NonsenseJune 5, 2026

California’s governor’s primary race remains in limbo as officials admit vote counting may extend into next decade, fueling voter anxiety and snack shortages.

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• Politics

Senate Republicans Heroically Preserve Trump’s $2 Billion Fund to Stop Weaponization by Buying Literal Weapons Instead

Gloria HyperboleJune 5, 2026

Senate Republicans voted to keep Trump's controversial $2B anti-weaponization fund, repurposing it in increasingly absurd ways after an amendment to kill it failed.

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• Politics

Trump Declares National Emergency to Save Endangered Coal Plants; Orders Production of More Soot for ‘Patriotic Purposes’

Gloria HyperboleJune 5, 2026

President Trump invokes wartime powers to grant $700 million to coal plants, framing coal as a vital and endangered national resource.

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• Politics

Judge Under Fire for Not Checking with Trump Before Every Major Life Decision

Veronica TruthbombJune 4, 2026

Trump accuses Judge Cooper of bias over a landmark ruling, citing his wife's connections to Democrats and sparking outrage over the judge's failure to clear decisions with Trump first.

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• Politics

California Governor’s Race Still Too Close To Call After Tie-Breaker Round of Kombucha Tasting Ends in Draw

Penny PunchlineJune 4, 2026

California’s governor’s race remains undecided as Republican Steve Hilton and Democrat Xavier Becerra battle for the lead, with unpredictable results and mounting absurdity in the final vote count.

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• Politics

Trump Demands Congressional Investigation into Mysteriously Healing Powers of Waffle House Hash Browns

Gloria HyperboleJune 4, 2026

Trump questions the Bidens' post-debate Waffle House visit, citing concerns about its alleged medical powers.

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